havreberg.com

A subtle sense of paranoia is sinking in.

Maybe it’s just a lack of sleep and abnormally high levels of pumpernickel consumption.

I feel alone right now. I am in fact alone, but for some reason I am presently very aware of this. Considering it’s 4:30am, I couldn’t likely expect to be anything but alone, but I feel like I’ve been pushing people away in order to focus on this animation project. Being alone has never been a problem, and I was never troubled when bitter associates speculated I would remain so forever. You might even say I prefer being alone, able to focus on whatever interests me for as long as I see fit. But now that I am actually dedicating some time and effort to this notion and creative pursuit, I am growing increasingly fearful that I will fail. Or that even if I succeed with the project at hand, it won’t be enough. But nothing has ever been enough, and I don’t know that it ever will. And I am still unable to answer the question, “enough for what?”

In addition, I am growing dumber as time passes. Or perhaps my knowledge is just becoming more specialized. I need breadth and depth. I currently have neither.

In case you are wondering, I am aware of the ridiculousness of this post.

And now for the work I should have done five hours ago.