havreberg.com

I’m going to try an impromptu post right here. There is a lot of stuff on my mind. There are some longer, more thoughtful posts I would like to make, but at the moment, I kind of just want to sort through the commotion in my brain.

School starts tomorrow. I want to say that I’m totally stoked, and in a way I am, but I’m not sure that that’s because of school. Towards the end of the Scotland trip, and over the past week as I was trying to figure out what classes to take in fall (which I should have done about 3 months ago), I started looking forward to really developing in some areas that interest me, notably figure sculpture and 3d modeling, learning more about anatomy through the process, and figuring out some rigging and animation stuff. When I should have been sorting and posting my pictures from the trip, I was perusing some stuff on CGTalk and got a little caught up in a rigging blog and I’m thinking about tearing into some animation after looking at Keith Lango’s site . This is why I’m stoked. I need to check out some of the stuff on Rigging101 and work through the stuff in Maya Character Creation: Modeling and Animation Controls . And now I’m dropping links like nobody’s business.

So anyways, I guess I am getting excited about the possibilities of the upcoming semester. Unfortunately I don’t have a lot of control over what my classes cover, but I will remain delusionally optimistic until I see syllabi. Hopefully I’ll be able to have an independent study where I can work on some of this stuff.

Hmm what else… I thought I had a bunch of stuff on my mind. I suppose it will have to wait. Coming soon: Unwinding from Scotland, moving forward, and pictures pictures pictures.

Done.

I am tempted to just go to sleep and not do much in London before I fly to Edinburgh tomorrow afternoon. I’m fairly tired from the time difference and walking with luggage, and kind of dehydrated, or at least less hydrated than I’m used to. I will be back in London for three days in two weeks, so I don’t think I’ll feel too bad if I don’t do much during this shorter stint. But it’s only 1:20pm, so there’s probably plenty of time to get some sleep and do something… British.

On the plane, I wondered how much flight attendants get paid, what kind of benefits they get, and how much control they have over their schedules and selecting destinations. The point is, I want to see a lot of different places in the world. And assuming I would make enough money as a flight attendant to maintain a home base so I wouldn’t have to get rid of all my stuff, that might be a convenient way to see the world for a year or three. Theoretically, my dream job would facilitate travel (either by paying me a lot and giving me long vacations, or by having me work in a variety of locations) and also be something I love, probably relating to art and learning cool stuff. I don’t think serving people tiny drinks on an airplane quite meets all these requirements.

It will be interesting if I can figure out how to attend grad school in Scotland. Or somewhere else in Europe. More on that later.

Lastly, the flight over here was the best flying experience I’ve ever had. There’s an episode of Family Guy where Peter convinces Lois to be a flight attendant so he can get free flights. On one flight, he uses all the pillows on the plane to make a fort. It was kind of like that. I had three contiguous seats to myself and away from other humans. I made a pile out of the pillows and blankets that weren’t being used. And then I lay down and slept like a baby. An evil baby who inwardly mocks the poor saps in the vicinity who don’t have as much ridiculous space as him.

Additionally, the food was good, and the flight attendants were foxy. Cheers to you, Virgin Atlantic.

Today’s question: Does writing about not accomplishing anything constitute accomplishing something?

When you can’t finish a post about being unable to finish a post, it is a sad state of affairs.

So I installed this blog software 14 days ago. I wrote a short post about why I installed the blog software, and after a little while started writing a rather long pseudoessay about why I’m an art major and what the point of all this “summer projects” nonsense is, the path I’ve taken to get where I am, and where I’m hoping to go. I say “pseudoessay” because it started out as just a brief introspective thing and turned into several pages I was actually trying to present in a coherent format. I haven’t done much like that for a while. Anyways, I never finished the pseudoessay and this site sat for 14 days untouched. I didn’t make any drawings other than a few quick sketches. I looked at a few of the anatomy books I have and read some stuff about anatomy online. But mostly I just read random stuff on wikipedia and hung out with my compatriots.

Anyone who even knows this website exists probably has already heard me discuss what I’m about to write about next, but maybe now I’ll contribute it to posterity or something. I keep lists of things I need to do, and there is a fair mix of things I “need to do” and things I just kind of want to do. The first impacts someone else or relates to some deadline or financial matter. The second is more closely aligned with the goals of this site: personal development, curiosity, experimentation, etc. Sometimes an item is both important and interesting; for example, school projects need to be done so I can pretend that my life has some iota of direction. In the unique cases of animation, sculpture, and art classes in general, I might be genuinely interested in what I’m doing. This is pretty convenient, as it is motivating, rewarding, and all sorts of other things that make me feel warm and gooey inside.

The point of this discussion of differentiation between “to do” items is the following: to some degree, a natural prioritization order falls into place. Interesting things and personal projects that don’t affect others or that have to do only with my whimsical curiosities take second place to important items that impact others and have actual deadlines or consequences. I sit down in front of my computer. I have a list in front of me or in my head. I know what is most important to do. I know what items on the list are of secondary importance, but that I actually want to do.

A responsible person would quickly take care of the important items. That’s not me. You might think that I would do the things that I want to do, thereby accomplishing something, and eventually find my way to the items that are “more important” after I have satisfied my curiosities or indulged my fancies. But if I engage in these activities that I actually want to do, I feel guilty or become distracted because I know there are more pressing matters to be dealt with. The solution: don’t do anything on the list. Just read things online. For hours and hours and hours. Rinse and repeat.

So I need some discipline or something. I want to go swimming several (or all) days a week after work, and I told myself I wouldn’t go again until I accomplish something. It’s been a week so far. This is kind of like a threat: “Do what you’re supposed to, or you don’t get to do what you want to do.” Interestingly, this directive lumps some things I want to do (and have promised myself I will do and have decided that it will be in my best interest to do) in with things that I “have to do,” possibly taking the fun and reward out of those things being accomplished. But I’m sure that’s a long way off yet.

One good idea might be to limit my meandering wikipedia reading to 2 hours or so a day.

I’m considering changing my schedule so that I work longer hours 3 days a week; as it is I’m working in the afternoons 4 days a week. It doesn’t really seem like mornings off is enough time to get anything done, especially if I oversleep. And if I get something started, I might look at the clock and say “I only have 2 more hours to work on this; that’s not enough time to really get immersed in it and get much done.”

And finally, the most radical idea: drastically cutting back on the amount of time I hang out with my friends. They probably don’t really like me anyway, so what’s the harm?

So what have I done? I’ve wasted time by writing about how I wasted time instead of writing about wasting time. The boy touched the girl with the flower.

My existence isn’t difficult or painful. It’s just ridiculous.

Dan’s mockery will make me strong and drive me to create. First agenda item: fixing up at least one of my sculptures from last semester. Updates coming soon, I hope.

I hope.